Love and Boundaries Are Not Opposites
Boundaries are not barriers. They are invitations to safety.
Original photo by B. Littleton
For many people raised in homes where love was tied to obedience, where love was conditional on specific behaviors, or where emotional enmeshment blurred the lines between self and other, boundaries can feel unnatural or even wrong. Love was often measured by how agreeable you were, how much you accommodated others, and how little space you took up.
But love without boundaries is not love that nourishes. It’s love that erodes.
Boundaries are not barriers. They are invitations to safety. They don’t push people away. They protect what is sacred within us. They are the structures that allow love to breathe and thrive.
As therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab writes,
“You can't have relationships without boundaries, and you can't have boundaries without consequences.”
This quote is a compass for anyone learning how to show up authentically in relationships. Boundaries are not just about protecting ourselves—they are about preserving the relationship itself. Without boundaries, we begin to build resentment. We overextend. We suppress our voice, hoping that silence will buy us connection. But it never does. The connection becomes fragile, distorted, or performative.
And when we do begin to set boundaries, there are consequences—because boundaries introduce clarity. And clarity shifts the dynamic. Some people will adjust. Others will resist. This is not proof that your boundary is wrong. It’s confirmation that something is being rebalanced.
In daily life, this may look like:
Saying no to a social event without guilt.
Telling a sibling, “I’m not available for that conversation today.”
Declining to explain yourself when you’ve made a personal decision.
Asking for privacy, space, or rest—even when others are used to you always being available.
These moments might feel uncomfortable. But they are the building blocks of self-respect.
Boundaries ask:
What is needed for love to remain mutual, honest, and respectful?
They are the way we say, I want to stay in connection, and this is what I need for that connection to feel safe and sustainable.
Without boundaries, there is no true intimacy—only performance. But with boundaries, we create space for both people to be seen, heard, and whole.
Written by Brenda Littleton.
Original photo by B. Littleton
Tin Flea Press c. 2025