How to Coach Your Self
The Basics to Personal, Professional & Creative Success
original photo from B. Littleton
Sudden Freedom: Clear Out All Emotional Turbulence
“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.” — C. G. Jung
Many of the clients I’ve worked with, through group programs, Master Minds and individual coaching, have come seeking ways to up-level their creative work, navigate transitions from one profession to another, or continue their long journeys of healing from trauma, grief, and abuse. Many have already been through years of therapy. Some have hired me, or others, as coaches to help them in business, in reaching new levels of creative expansion or in sports. But then what? The deeper question becomes how to take all of that insight and apply it in daily life, not just in moments of crisis or achievement. That is where this book comes in. The strategies and practices I share here are meant to create a daily rhythm, ways to expand into new territory while also maintaining and strengthening the rewiring of your brain, heart, and ego into more conscious living. A client once asked me if I would teach her coaching techniques and structures she could offer to her own clients. That request prompted me to sit down and capture what I believe matters most. After forty years in international business, as a graduate professor, clinical therapist, and now as a coach for high-functioning creatives and outliers, I have seen what works, what works better, and I have gathered my favorite practices for expansion, fulfillment, and lasting change.
I am beginning this book with the practice of positive self-regard because I know what it feels like to get so much done, to keep saying yes, to show up for everyone else, and still lie awake at night convinced I am not enough. In a coaching or therapy session, this practice often forms the invisible platform beneath the work—something a client experiences, even if they are not fully aware of it. Here, I want to make it explicit, so you can recognize it, learn it, and integrate it into your own daily coaching of the Self as one of the non-negotiable foundations for conscious living. Positive self-regard is not about forcing yourself into a good mood or sprinkling affirmations over exhaustion. It is about the way you look at yourself when the noise quiets down. Can you be fair with yourself? Can you offer kindness in the same measure you expect from others?
I remember one afternoon, staring at a half-finished draft on my desk, telling myself I was behind, lazy, and falling short. The pressure in my chest was so strong I could hardly breathe. In that moment, I paused and asked: what if I spoke to myself as I would to a client? I placed a hand over my heart, softened my jaw, and whispered, “You are doing enough. You are moving at a human pace.” That small act shifted everything. My body settled, and the words began to flow again.
Positive self-regard is the practice of offering yourself steady warmth, respect, and fairness, regardless of outcomes. It is not self-inflation and it is not permission to avoid responsibility. Instead, it is a daily choice to relate to your thoughts, emotions, and body with honesty and kindness.
How it differs from similar ideas: self-esteem often rises and falls with achievement. Positive self-regard stays present whether you succeed or stumble. Self-compassion focuses on soothing pain. Positive self-regard includes compassion but also emphasizes boundaries, accountability, and daily care. Unconditional positive regard from others is powerful. Here, you learn to extend that same quality of regard to your Self.
For high-functioning creatives, this practice reduces shame, perfectionism, and procrastination, stabilizes the nervous system, and creates space for creativity and Soul to emerge.
In practice, positive self-regard looks like replacing harsh language—“I made a mistake and I will repair it” instead of “I am a failure.” It looks like honoring boundaries by saying no when yes would cost your health or integrity. It means choosing fair standards, listening to your body when your breath shortens or your shoulders tighten, repairing an error and re-entering the work without self-attack, and even scheduling well-being by putting sleep, movement, and joy directly on your calendar.
In the coaching room, Maya, a perfectionist designer, delays a pitch deck because it is “not quite there.” Together, we set a fair standard of 80 percent. She writes a self-regard statement—“I am a competent designer in progress. An 80 percent draft is enough for feedback.” She delivers the draft, shame softens, and momentum returns.
In the therapy room, Alex spirals after a critical editorial note. We track the anxiety in his body and name it as protection. He places a hand over his chest, repeats, “My worth is constant. I am editing words, not editing my value,” and his nervous system settles. He revises without collapse into shame.
To begin your own practice, I offer you the Self-Regard Loop. Use it daily. It takes only ten to twelve minutes.
1. Arrive. Sit or stand. Feel your feet. Exhale longer than you inhale.
2. Name and normalize. “Tight chest, racing thoughts, fear. This is a human moment.”
3. Locate in the body. Place a hand where you feel the strongest sensation. Whisper, “I am with you.”
4. Separate worth from outcome. “My worth is not on the table. I will offer my best workable effort.”
5. Invite an image. Ask the part of you that is loudest: What do you need? What is your protective purpose?
6. Choose a fair standard. Aim for good-enough, not perfect.
7. Make one micro-commitment. Define the next step you will complete in 25–50 minutes.
8. Write a self-regard statement. Example: “I keep promises to myself in sustainable ways.”
9. Do the work. Begin. Return to the earlier steps if activation spikes.
10. Close and appreciate. Write one sentence of gratitude for what you honored today.
For your first assignment, practice the Self-Regard Loop every day for a week. Begin each day by posting your daily self-regard statement on a sticky note where you can see it. Track three things: one boundary you honored, one micro-win you completed, and one way you cared for your body. At day’s end, journal for five minutes: Where did I practice fair, kind honesty with myself? Where did I slip into harshness or avoidance? What cue will help me notice sooner tomorrow? Remember, the main skill to practice is kindness toward your Self! Do for you what the therapist or coach does for you while in session.
At the end of the week, review your notes. Circle words or phrases that helped you most. Write a one-paragraph Self-Regard Contract that includes your most supportive sentence, your fair standards, and two non-negotiables for your health.
This is where we begin: with the conscious practice of positive self-regard. It is not a luxury but a foundation. As you train yourself in this daily habit, you will find that the noise of the inner critic grows quieter, and your creativity, clarity, and Soul have more space to breathe.
“Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable.” — Mary Oliver
written by Bren Littleton, excerpt from manuscript
original photo from B. Littleton
Sudden Freedom: Clear Out All Emotional Turbulence
Tin Flea Press c 2025