Boundaries Are Not Rules for Others. They Are Commitments to Ourselves
Love and Boundaries Conversation Part Three, Excerpt from "Life After a Narcissist."
Original hand-painted photo by B. Littleton
A boundary is not a demand that someone else must change. It is a clear expression of how we will care for ourselves in response to how others choose to behave.
It sounds like:
“If you raise your voice at me, I will step away.”
“If you continue to lie, I will end the conversation.”
“If you ignore my request, I will not continue engaging in the same way.”
These are not punishments. They are truths. Boundaries remove us from the exhausting cycle of trying to change people. Instead, they bring us back to self-trust, clarity, and agency.
As boundaries expert Terri Cole writes,
“Healthy boundaries are the bridge to healthy relationships. They are not a betrayal of connection, they are the foundation of it.”
This reminder is essential, especially for those who fear that setting a boundary means pushing someone away. In reality, boundaries are what allow a relationship to be built on mutual respect rather than silent resentment. When we clearly name what we can and cannot hold, we give others a true map to meet us in authenticity.
Without boundaries, relationships often drift into imbalance. One person becomes over-responsible, while the other becomes unchecked. Over time, this creates frustration, guilt, and confusion. Healthy boundaries return us to clarity, where both people can be accountable for their actions and emotions.
They don’t shut the door on love. They create a doorway where love can enter honestly, and where both people are allowed to be whole.
written by Brenda Littleton
Original hand-painted photo by B. Littleton
Tin Flea Press c. 2025